An Interview with Vordak the Incomprehensible – Supervillain

A few days ago, my daughter Amber wrote a review on the book Vordak the Incomprehensible – How to Grow Up and Rule the World.  Well she got a chance to also interview Vordak – and so she asked him the following questions about being a Supervillain.

Amber: As stated in the first section of your book, on page 14, that I should NOT thoroughly read over your binding contract, being that this is a book about being evil I decided to read it over anyway. However, I do believe that not handing you leadership (by not signing this contract) would be more evil, because in the case of my untimely demise, the world would be thrown into chaos and disorder with no leader to guide their actions since the government has been undermined. Thoughts?

Vordak: Okay – so you read the contract. So you know that I would take over as Ruler of the World in the event you were to meet your demise in some totally unexpected manner such as being poisoned, having your brake lines cut, being pushed down a well, having plutonium injected into your bloodstream, being encased in cement and dropped into the Marianas Trench, being dismembered by a previously obedient domestic robot, or having your bodily fluids slowly and painfully drained by a giant, mutated spider. Big deal. I mean, what are the odds of anything like that ever happening to you, anyway? See, this is why I didn’t want you reading the fine print.

Amber: Have you ever considered that Commander Virtue may be your long lost brother ‘Kyle’ come to get his goody-two-shoes revenge for having been put up for adoption?

Vordak: Ridiculous! I realize many years have gone by since I last saw Kyle, but I remember him like it was yesterday. He was about 4 feet tall, weighed about 45 pounds and could barely lift his backpack. Commander Virtue, on the other hand, goes 6 foot 4, 240 pounds and can throw a Jeep across the Hudson River. Same person? I don’t think so.

Amber: Page 58 talks about how a cape is necessary, yet it is a common knowledge that capes lead to tripping, being sucked into airplane jets or getting caught on some old man’s sprinkler on his lawn. Is it really worth the extra evilness?

Vordak: OF COURSE it’s worth it! Look, it’s almost impossible to flourish about dramatically without a cape. And flourishing about dramatically is extremely important for a pretentious Supervillain such as myself. Words, even my own brilliant words, simply fail to do justice to the SPLENDIFEROUS MAGNIFICENCE of a well-designed cape. Let’s just say it’s worth occasionally dealing with this:

…in order to bask in the MAJESTIC GLORY that is this:

Amber: So you have any extra suggestions for an enterprising female villain?

Vordak: Evil is evil, as far as I’m concerned. It’s not what we villains look like on the outside, but, rather, what’s on the inside that matters. Sure, the female Supervillain’s boots may have higher heels. Her evil laugh may be a bit higher in pitch. And she most likely won’t have dirty underwear lying around her lair. But, when it comes to conquering the planet and RULING THE WORLD, the gender of the Evil Mastermind makes no difference.